I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
