You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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