WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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