She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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