I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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