She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
