THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
