Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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