It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
