she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize
