Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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