$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
