Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
