I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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