We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
