OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
