No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
