No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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