She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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