I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
