well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
