True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
