hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
