she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
