Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
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