If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
That accounts for only three of the penises
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
