I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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