my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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