He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
