I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
