Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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