i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
