hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
