I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
