tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
