wrigley field is MILF paradise
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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