I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
