I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
