Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
