pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
