I can text with my tongue
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
