The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
