someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
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