the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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