it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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