Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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