The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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