that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
