You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
