So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
