I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
