3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
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