I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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