4 words: hood of his car
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
They are going to name an STD after you.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
